I don't know how this could happen!"
"I never planned for this to happen!"
"I never wanted to hurt my spouse!"
This is usually what I hear from couples who come in with the pieces of their marriage after some kind of infidelity: emotional affairs, on-night-stands, long-term affairs, porn addictions etc.
Although I love to help couples to work through their hurt and to learn how to rebuild trust, but I rather see the being proactive and prevent painful experiences like that!
Dennis Rainey puts it like this:
“Many people who commit adultery express surprise that it happened; they talk as if they were carried along by an irresistible force of nature. But remember that nobody falls off a cliff if they're standing 40 feet away. Instead, they inch closer and closer to the abyss until they find themselves in danger. You need to make your marriage relationship such a priority that you don't come anywhere near the edge."
SO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TODAY TO PROTECT YOUR MARRIAGE??!
Here are some ideas to get started:
Spend time with God. Daily time with God builds an enormous wall of protection around your marriage. As you cling to Him each day, your hard will stay open for His truth, you will confess sin and continue to grow in Christ's likeness.
Know your boundaries. Put fences around your heart to protect sacred ground, reserved only for your spouse. Be careful to share your deepest feelings, needs, and difficulties only with each other.
Safeguard relationships with the opposite sex. Watch out how much you share with a person of the opposite sex. Never share a problem that you are having with your spouse. Beware of praying with just one member of the opposite sex, because of the intimacy involved in prayer. Avoid spending time in activities alone with a member of the opposite sex other than your spouse.
Determine boundaries in the workplace. Since this is the number one place for infidelity predetermined decisions for protection are critical! Tailor your boundaries depending on your specific work situation (travel, late shifts etc.)
End unhealthy relationships. If a friendship with the opposite sex meets needs that only your mate should be meeting, end it quickly. It may be a painful loss at first, but it isn't nearly as painful as temptation that has given birth to sin.
Realize the power of your eyes. Your eyes are the windows to your soul. Pull the shades down if you sense someone is pausing a little too long in front of your windows. Good eye contact is necessary for effective conversation, but there's a deep type of look that must be reserved for your spouse.
Choose discrete clothing. Be aware that especially men become easily aroused sexually by the stimulation of sight and dress appropriately.
Guard your eyes and ears. Remain sensitive to the Holy Spirit to guard your eyes and ears. Don’t engage in anything that draws your thoughts and hearts away from God and from your spouse.
Control your thought life. If you entertain a fantasy, you are allowing your own desires to drag you away. It is not wrong to be tempted, and it is not wrong to be attracted. Sin occurs when we act on that temptation. The result of entertaining temptation and then acting on it, is death. It is not pleasure. It will not result in long-term satisfaction. It will result in destruction(James 1:14-15).
Guard against the lure of the Internet. Stay away from seeking to fulfill emotional needs through an Internet relationship or your sexual needs through watching pornographic materials. Consider purchasing an internet filtering software (e.g. CovenantEyes or IntegrityOnline). Genuine godly love - the desire of every heart - can be found only in a committed relationship based on unconditional love.
Memorize Scripture. Build your life on the foundation of God’s word to be able to resist the temptations that will inevitably come. When you are tempted, the Holy Spirit will bring to your mind those verses that you have committed to memory.
Commit to accountability. Accountability may be the key issue that makes or breaks our faithfulness to God and to our spouse.
Be aware of your vulnerabilities. Ask God to show you other safeguards that are important for your life and your particular vulnerabilities.
Beware of isolation in your marriage. Don’t keep secrets from your mate. Work hard at bringing things out into the open and discussing them. Share about encounters (e.g. someone trying to flirt with you/ being too nice etc.), weak spots, and temptations.
Spend time with your spouse. Have your emotional needs met within your marriage. Stick to the plan of spending time alone together each week! Unless you purposefully protect that time, all of life's little "urgent" needs will undermine your marital intimacy like termites that slowly eat away the foundation of a house.
Cultivate intimacy with your spouse. Make your marriage a priority, and make intimacy such a fun reality in your marriage that you are not even tempted to leave. Learn how to please your spouse, and teach him or her how to please you.
Never stop courting your spouse. Realizing that you will never stop competing for your spouses’ love will help you to stay much more creative in how you communicate with your spouse emotionally and sexually. If you start taking your spouse for granted, someone else could walk into his/her life and catch him/her at a weak point.
Know your boundaries. Put fences around your heart to protect sacred ground, reserved only for your spouse. Be careful to share your deepest feelings, needs, and difficulties only with each other.
Safeguard relationships with the opposite sex. Watch out how much you share with a person of the opposite sex. Never share a problem that you are having with your spouse. Beware of praying with just one member of the opposite sex, because of the intimacy involved in prayer. Avoid spending time in activities alone with a member of the opposite sex other than your spouse.
Determine boundaries in the workplace. Since this is the number one place for infidelity predetermined decisions for protection are critical! Tailor your boundaries depending on your specific work situation (travel, late shifts etc.)
End unhealthy relationships. If a friendship with the opposite sex meets needs that only your mate should be meeting, end it quickly. It may be a painful loss at first, but it isn't nearly as painful as temptation that has given birth to sin.
Realize the power of your eyes. Your eyes are the windows to your soul. Pull the shades down if you sense someone is pausing a little too long in front of your windows. Good eye contact is necessary for effective conversation, but there's a deep type of look that must be reserved for your spouse.
Choose discrete clothing. Be aware that especially men become easily aroused sexually by the stimulation of sight and dress appropriately.
Guard your eyes and ears. Remain sensitive to the Holy Spirit to guard your eyes and ears. Don’t engage in anything that draws your thoughts and hearts away from God and from your spouse.
Control your thought life. If you entertain a fantasy, you are allowing your own desires to drag you away. It is not wrong to be tempted, and it is not wrong to be attracted. Sin occurs when we act on that temptation. The result of entertaining temptation and then acting on it, is death. It is not pleasure. It will not result in long-term satisfaction. It will result in destruction(James 1:14-15).
Guard against the lure of the Internet. Stay away from seeking to fulfill emotional needs through an Internet relationship or your sexual needs through watching pornographic materials. Consider purchasing an internet filtering software (e.g. CovenantEyes or IntegrityOnline). Genuine godly love - the desire of every heart - can be found only in a committed relationship based on unconditional love.
Memorize Scripture. Build your life on the foundation of God’s word to be able to resist the temptations that will inevitably come. When you are tempted, the Holy Spirit will bring to your mind those verses that you have committed to memory.
Commit to accountability. Accountability may be the key issue that makes or breaks our faithfulness to God and to our spouse.
Be aware of your vulnerabilities. Ask God to show you other safeguards that are important for your life and your particular vulnerabilities.
Beware of isolation in your marriage. Don’t keep secrets from your mate. Work hard at bringing things out into the open and discussing them. Share about encounters (e.g. someone trying to flirt with you/ being too nice etc.), weak spots, and temptations.
Spend time with your spouse. Have your emotional needs met within your marriage. Stick to the plan of spending time alone together each week! Unless you purposefully protect that time, all of life's little "urgent" needs will undermine your marital intimacy like termites that slowly eat away the foundation of a house.
Cultivate intimacy with your spouse. Make your marriage a priority, and make intimacy such a fun reality in your marriage that you are not even tempted to leave. Learn how to please your spouse, and teach him or her how to please you.
Never stop courting your spouse. Realizing that you will never stop competing for your spouses’ love will help you to stay much more creative in how you communicate with your spouse emotionally and sexually. If you start taking your spouse for granted, someone else could walk into his/her life and catch him/her at a weak point.
Adapted from Emotional Adultery: Unfaithfulness of the Heart - uarding Against Adultery- Eight Ways to Protect Your Marriage -
