The Ways of the Heart

Have you ever wondered if what you are going through is normal and  if your feelings and reactions make any sense at all? Let me tell you: you are not alone!  I hear this in sessions with clients all the time. On the surface things might not make sense at first, but as my teacher Peter Hübner (may he rest in peace) used to say: 

"It's not logical - it's psychological."

Once we take some time to understand the ways of the HEART things start to make more and more sense.

Let's first have a quick look at the biblical understanding of the HEART:
The biblical use of the term HEART takes the picture of the physical heart as a metaphor for the very center of our inner life, the initiating force behind all the functions of soul, mind and spirit. Basically the HEART stands for the entire immaterial self. That means the HEART is not only the center of our emotions but also of perception, reason, understanding, insight, consciousness, memory, knowledge, reflection, judgment, sense of direction, and discernment (Brodie McClain, 2004).

Without our HEART we can't survive- therefore it needs to be nurtured and protected. In an surrounding of love, care and acceptance our HEART flourishes - that's why we seek love wherever we can find it. However, rejection wounds our HEART deeply, hence another way of the HEART is trying to avoid pain at all costs. Since the fall of men we don't naturally trust God to take care of our HEART but instead we come up with all kinds of strategies to protect our HEART from any more pain ourselves. Psychology calls these strategies "defense mechanisms".They are supposed to keep us from pain but unfortunately they also lead us into captivity and are therefore the root of many psychological discomforts and problems

Let me demonstrate this with an example: Let's assume someone, let's call him, Charles, had a car accident. Understandingly Charles will be more hesitant when it comes to driving a car, right? Let's assume he is so afraid of of having another accident, that he refuses to even enter a car. He could take the train, or the bike but his mobility will be pretty limited (especially in Los Angeles). Maybe he could figure out a way to get around without a car, you say. True, but fears have a tendency to expand. Pretty soon riding a bike will be too dangerous as well and after hearing about a train crash in the news trains are not safe anymore either. As Charles' efforts for protection increase his freedom decreases.

The goal in Christian therapy is to not shame our heart again but to listen to its story, understand its fear of pain and to move step by step towards surrendering that pain to God so that He can bring restoration and healing.  He promises to give us a NEW HEART (Ezekiel 36:26). If you are a Christian you know that this starts when you first give your HEART over to Jesus. And if you have been a Christian for a while you also know that this is a process. Often we find that parts of our HEART(usually attached to pain) are not completely surrendered to God yet. Many times when "issues" start to come up it is like God gently making us aware of a place in our HEART that He wants to touch.

Healing usually comes as a process. The tricky part about defense mechanisms is that they usually bring some kind of relief. They "work" to a certain extent. The longer we have lived with them the harder it is to let go of the (pseudo) security that the familiar provides. The other tricky part about defense mechanism is that often we are not even aware of them. Therapy is a place to become aware of these strategies of our HEART and to explore how they influence our thinking and our emotions. The more we adapt the way of our HEART to God's ways the more healing can take place.